1. Girls Shalt Not Have Sex.
(someone asked me what the guy word for ‘slut’ is
and I couldn’t find an answer.
it’s an old story: a rumour goes around that so-and-so
blew a boy in the disabled toilets.
the girl fakes a cough to get herself sent home
to escape the classroom-wide hiss of ‘slut’
while the boy she blew walks into the same class
and is greeted by an onslaught of high-fives)
2. Girls Shalt Love Boys.
(when I was ten, there was a movie trailer where two girls
leaned in for a kiss, and I felt sick for the rest of the day.
it took four years
along with faux-casual questions to friends
useless quizzes on the internet
entries in a diary that I later scribbled out
to admit, fine, okay, yes,
and another year after that to say it without mumbling)
3. Girls Shalt Not Be Bitches.
(it took over ten years of school for me to realize
my women teachers got called bitches
for doing things that my male teachers got called efficient for.
we were assigned to a group project in science class
and whenever my friend tried to tell the others to quiet down
so they could get on with the work,
she was jeered into silence
and she never found it fair that her boyfriend did
the same thing and the noise stopped.)
4. Girls Shalt Have A Vagina.
(she introduced herself with a deep voice and a gushing smile.
she had a pink dress and an adam’s apple
she had a necklace resting above her cleavage
she had escaped from an all-boys high school
and I didn’t understand until I learned later
gender is more than the two rigid boxes
that we are told to tick one of)
5. Girls Shalt Smile.
(he frowned when the subject was brought up
and he shrugged a lot as he explained
that we look better when we smile. Less hostile.
His shrugs stiffened when I asked him why we shouldn’t look hostile.
‘I dunno,’ he said, dropping to a mumble. ‘Girls aren’t s’posed to look hostile, I guess.’
The next time someone walked past me on the street
and told me to smile,
I gave him my sunniest grin
and a middle finger.)
Brendon Urie realizing he shouldn’t have just said “whore” during an on-air performance.
babies are naturally able to swim hello they just spent nine moths in amiotic fluid this is instinctive so no, parent is not shitty, parent is re-enforcing baby’s natural instinctive behaviour.
parent is good for doing this because parent is basically saying “yes the behaviours you were born with are great!”
Yup, if babies are ‘taught’ (allowed) to swim before they are six weeks old, they never lose the instincts they were born with that lets them hold their head above water and hold their breath when they need to. SCIENCE, man.
What’s really cool is, humans are the only primates known to have this instinct at birth. Other ape babies would just freak out and drown. So I don’t think it comes from being in amniotic fluid for 9 months (since it’s not like they have room to actually swim in there). It’s been speculated that humans evolved in the ocean at some point, which is a really cool theory that I recommend checking out.
Also, SWIMMING BABY IS ADORABLE.
I’ve got 99 problems and 86 of them are completely made up scenarios in my head that I’m stressing about for absolutely no logical reason.
if you ever need to turn down unwanted sexual advances, do it Dr. Seuss style
I would not fuck you in a box
I would not fuck you wearing socks
I would not fuck you here or there
I would not fuck you anywhere